A Father's Day Letter from the Heart

Dear Dad,

Happy Father's Day!  I miss you so much!  I have missed you since you left us, oh so many years ago now.  Thirty-seven to be exact, but it's been harder in recent years, since Mom joined you.  Now that you are both gone, it's really hard at times.  When Mom was still with us, we had a part of you.  Now, it just all seems so permanent.  And as far as this life goes, is it.  There is no more. 

Don't misunderstand... I am very happy for the two of you.  Mom waited a long time to join you.  Those last years I would daily hear her say, "I don't know why the good Lord just doesn't take me home." She would go on to say she just wanted to be with her Ernest again.  A marriage made in heaven, a love like no other.  Thank-you so much for loving my mom.  That is the greatest gift you could have ever given to me, or to Ernie and Craig.

I remember being a little kid thinking I would always be a little kid living at home with my parents.  I didn't think I would ever really grow up.  I did.  When I had a house full of young kids, I didn't think they would ever really grow up.  They did.  I still have Leah at home for a few more short, precious years, but time passes quickly.  I have eight grandbabies, and counting.

I regret that you never knew my children - April, Jason, Mandy and Leah.  I have such great kids.  You would love them.  I'm sure you do know them and love them from heaven, but you know what I mean. 

Tabitha and Yvonne have such fond memories of you, although I know even those are too few.  They were very young still when you passed on.

Christmas 1976

I regret that we weren't closer as I grew up.  I remember we were really close when I was a little girl.  We used to play all the time, and it was so much fun!  When I was around seven, you pulled away from me somewhat.  I didn't understand why.  As I grew older, I saw my friends with their daddies, and saw that special daddy/daughter relationship.  I wanted that with you.  I had a hard time understanding.  I didn't know what I had done wrong.  I always knew you loved me, and you would make a point to tell me on occasion.  As a teenager, I remember you sat me down to explain to me once again that you loved me very much, and that you just had a hard time showing affection to anyone other than Mom.  I understood, kinda, but I always wanted to be a daddy's girl.  I still want to be a daddy's girl.

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining.  I'm not really, just talking from my heart tonight.  You were such a great dad!  I know I didn't always think so, and I didn't appreciate you the way I should have, but you were a GREAT dad!!!  I am so thankful, and feel so blessed to be your daughter.  I know how much I was wanted and loved, and I understand your years of sacrifice to provide well for us all.  Mom always said that us kids would never know how much you loved us. 

Thank-you for all the wonderful weekend camping trips at Mt. Gilead and John Bryan State Parks, and so many other places.  I have wonderful memories of those years, and I know that is why I love the outdoors so much today.  I have to have a regular campfire fix.  There is nothing like sitting in front of a campfire for hours on end.  Do you remember the time we caught lots and lots of fish at Mt. Gilead?  I think Craig and Betty were with us that time.  You made "potato chips" out of all the fish tails and fins.  I remember they were pretty good!  Mom thought you were nuts. 

Thank-you for at least attempting to take me hunting.  I didn't mean to get stuck on top of a thorn bush.  I'm still not sure how that happened.  You never took me again after that.  You did teach me to shoot a gun.  I think the first time I shot a gun, I was around five years old.  I remember practicing in the back yard as a teenager.  That was fun, and I learned to respect guns.

Thank-you for the half acre pond in the back yard when we lived out on Taylor Rd. in Plain City!  It was awesome having a place to swim in the summer and ice skate in the winter!  We even had a beach and a diving board.  It was great.  Thank-you for Rango.  He wasn't the collie I had wanted, but I loved him.

Dad and me.  Our back yard in front of the pond.  Summer 1977.

The above picture is somewhat of a miracle.  I was not allowed to wear bikinis.  However, you didn't say anything when I bought them with my own money after I was old enough to get a job.  I don't think you really wanted to take this picture, but I'm so glad I have it.  It is one I cherish.  We played a lot that day.  Mom was swinging at us with a bad-mitten rack as we took pictures of her.  Funny.  Memories.

Thank-you for not letting me be any stupider than necessary.  I would have done a whole lot more stupid things if you had not been watching so close.  I wish I had listened to you more.  You've gotten smarter as I've gotten older!  I'm sorry for all those times I disappointed you.  I wish I could do it over.  We can't go back.  We can only go forward.  Thank-you for loving me anyway.  I'm sorry.

Thank-you for the trip out West.  The six or seven weeks from Columbus, OH to San Francisco, CA and back was awesome.  I fell in love with the mountains in Colorado.  They are the main reason I am here in Tennessee now.  Elvis died while we were in the Mojave Desert.  Lake Tahoe was beautiful beyond pictures or words, and freezing cold.  We both got in and swam, and our fingers were white.  We floated on Great Salt Lake in Utah.  I regret not walking down the Grand Canyon with you.  I've always regretted that.  You had to go by yourself.  The trip had its good and bad moments.  We didn't know you had a brain tumor until we got back.  It is still hard to imagine you doing all that driving with that in your head.  God was with us.

Me and Dad, Flaming Gorge, Wyoming. Summer, 1977

I don't think we ever danced.  I didn't get a daddy daughter dance at my wedding.  That's on my list for when I see you again.  I love you, Dad.  Happy Father's Day!  ~Michele Alayne